After a significant interaction with one of your subordinates or your boss, e.g. discussing a project, sorting out an error, or briefing for delegation, give yourself 5 minutes reflection time to go over the conversation and ask yourself why you each said the things you did - try to identify motives and life positions, and note anything you did, try to identify motives and life positions, and note anything you want to do different next time. plan how and when you will do it.
Be aware of non-verbal communication. it can have even greater impact than words - the scowl, avoidance of eye contact and dismissive hand gesture which says 'You're not OK' and the clasped hands, slumped position and averted gaze which says 'I'm not OK'.
Develop the habit of watching out for other people’s 'OK' status during meetings, on trains, at family gatherings. Don't get paranoid about it, but being more aware of the games other people are playing will not only help you not to succumb to them but will make you more aware of your own.
Read around the subject a little and discuss it in a general way at coffee break, on the flog course, at the crèche. This will increase your familiarity with the idea, while opening up others to the possibilities of working along the same lines. Most of us just don't realize we are sending out 'not OK' messages until someone has the courage to tell us - but the motive has to be a genuine and unselfish interest in the other person's well-being, not an exercise in manipulation.
once you can work on an 'I'm OK - you're OK' basis comfortably, broaden the scope of your self-knowledge by doing a SWOT analysis. List your Strengths, Weaknesses (you can now do this without feeling 'not OK'), Opportunities and Threats. Work out how you can use the strengths, and the opportunities to lessen the impact of both the weaknesses and the threats. During this analysis it is common to find that by the time you get to the second stage, many of the threats seem to have saved themselves and most of the weaknesses become manageable, especially if you link each weakness directly with a strength that can enable you to overcome it in some way, or to compensate for it when necessary.
What I have written here applies equally to relations with trade union representatives, your bosses, customers, family and friends. But remind yourself from time to time during your journey of self-discovery that achievement is 80 per cent wanting to and 20 per cent sweat!
Be aware of non-verbal communication. it can have even greater impact than words - the scowl, avoidance of eye contact and dismissive hand gesture which says 'You're not OK' and the clasped hands, slumped position and averted gaze which says 'I'm not OK'.
Develop the habit of watching out for other people’s 'OK' status during meetings, on trains, at family gatherings. Don't get paranoid about it, but being more aware of the games other people are playing will not only help you not to succumb to them but will make you more aware of your own.
Read around the subject a little and discuss it in a general way at coffee break, on the flog course, at the crèche. This will increase your familiarity with the idea, while opening up others to the possibilities of working along the same lines. Most of us just don't realize we are sending out 'not OK' messages until someone has the courage to tell us - but the motive has to be a genuine and unselfish interest in the other person's well-being, not an exercise in manipulation.
once you can work on an 'I'm OK - you're OK' basis comfortably, broaden the scope of your self-knowledge by doing a SWOT analysis. List your Strengths, Weaknesses (you can now do this without feeling 'not OK'), Opportunities and Threats. Work out how you can use the strengths, and the opportunities to lessen the impact of both the weaknesses and the threats. During this analysis it is common to find that by the time you get to the second stage, many of the threats seem to have saved themselves and most of the weaknesses become manageable, especially if you link each weakness directly with a strength that can enable you to overcome it in some way, or to compensate for it when necessary.
What I have written here applies equally to relations with trade union representatives, your bosses, customers, family and friends. But remind yourself from time to time during your journey of self-discovery that achievement is 80 per cent wanting to and 20 per cent sweat!
